Saturday, June 22, 2013

Pulled A Trigger Without Thinking, There's Only One Way Down This Road

I was running down the school hall. It seemed gloomier than usual. The blue lockers became more of a pale blue, almost gray shade. The cream colored tiled were even darker than usual, it was like it knew something I didn't. Something horrible.
  I wasn't sure where I was running to, but I began to wonder when I'd get there. It felt like I was running in circles, like I'd never quite reach where I needed to go. I kept running anyways; it was almost like if I stopped I'd die. For a track runner, I oddly felt out of breath and weak. Then I saw my math classroom at the end of the almost never ending hall. It appeared out of nowhere.
The sudden noise made me drop to the floor. My body shooked against the cold floor tile. I scrambled to get back on my feet but they kept slipping and I kept hitting floor. Then, suddenly, I felt a hand grip my shoulder, pulling me up and pushing me against the locker. Everything got blurry as soon as my back hit that locker. It was like with that impact I had practically became blind. 
"Don't look so scared, you deserve this." Just from the sound of his voice I could imagine his face. The flicker of red in his eyes, the anger built up over years, the way his lips would sit in an almost evil smirk, like he was going to enjoy every second of it. But the pieces of his face didn't quite fit together, I couldn't see his whole face at once.
"You think you're always fucking right, don't you? You're so fucking smart, aren't you? Than answer this question. Which hand is the gun behind? The right?" He moved his right shoulder and then his left when he said "Or the left." He waited less than 10 seconds before saying, "Eeeeeh! Wrong. It's both." He chuckled darkly, for a second it didn't even sound human. "Why don't you show me your run, track star?"
I screamed. I kicked and I punched and I let out another blood curdling scream. "HELP!" I yelled and yelled, then I felt hands holding me down as my body shook and annoying beeping sound hit my ears drums.
"Shh. Shh. It's okay, Ponyboy. Breathe." A soothing voice said.
My eyes flickered open and I was surrounded by nurses and a doctor checking my heart moniter.
I was shaking uncontrollably and sweat covered my body. I couldn't breath. It felt like I was being strangled as I tried to suck air through. "Help." I said barely understandable through my gasps of air.
The nurse who's voice I heard grabbed my hand, "Do you feel my breathing?" She pushed my hand against her chest, "Try to copy how I breathe. You'll be okay."
Eventually I calmed down. It wasn't like that was my first panic attack. I got one or two when my parents died, but they weren't nearly as bad.
Soon all the nurses left and my family replaced them.
"Hey Pony," Soda said scruffing my hair and pulling up a chair to my bed, "You look better, kid."
Darry and Kitty followed after him.
"When I heard about what happened at the school, I came as quick as I could." Darry said
"That's what she said." I smiled at my joke and everyone just stared at me with big eyes, bewildered for some odd reason.
"I...I...I thought I lost you." Kitty said, her voice cracking as if she was crying for hours, "And your first words to us are going to be "That's what she said"?"
I was confused. Almost lost me? "What?"
"Don't "What" me! You were out for two days! I thought you were in a coma and you were never gonna wake up. I thought I lost my baby brother!" She went on and on rambling.
I looked in and took in the surroundings. The white with very light blue pattern hospital gown I was sporting, the rough sheets, and the spotless room. I was completely oblivious, "Why am I in the hospital?" I didn't notice until now; I was in a hospital.
"Really?" Darry asked simpiaticly, "You don't remember what happened?"
"What happened at school? Did something happen to the gang? Is Jelly okay?" I began to worry.
The room grew silent except for my heart moniter and my heavy breathing. I felt another panic attack coming on.
There was a knock on the door as a tall doctor with longer black hair came in. He oddly resembled Jesse from Full House. "Hey, how's are little trooper doing?" He smiled at me as if it were to comfort me, but in reality it made me the exact opposite. It was the type of smile doctors only gave you when somethings wrong. I knew that something happened, and I didn't know what. That's what freaked me out the most.
Before I could respond, Darry was talking. "He doesn't remember it. I thought you said he was okay, just a little wound. That's what you said. My brother has fucking brain problems." Darry didn't even yell, but his tone kind of made you wish he did. It was the type that could maie you want to die right theb and there. He was getting tensed; you could practically see steam coming out of his ears.
"Is that so?" He looked at Darry, then to me, "Pony can you tell me why you are here?"
I felt like the kid caught sleeping in class and as punishment he was forced to answer a question that everyone else learned and knew but him. "Uhm..." I searched Darry, Kitty, and Soda's face, but they were showing no hints. "I got hurt?" I did an awkward laugh, which caused a sharp pain in my side. I winced and made a small noise indicating my pain.
"Have mercy." The doctor said scribbling note on the paper in his clipboard, "Pony, can you tell me all about the last day you remember?"
I told him everything I remembered from monday, like breakfast and Soda almost forgetting his pants again. Then I got to fifth period, "Uhm My math teacher, Mrs. Hewette, let me go to the library so I wouldn't get fined for a late book. Then uhm... I walked back...and uhm." I took a long pause after that, "I was having a horrible dream. In this hospital bed."
"What was the dream about?"
"I was running from someone, I think, and a guy wanted to shoot me."
He scribbled some more notes before continuing, "I don't think there's anything wrong with his brain. We'll do tests to be sure. He's most likely suffering from repressed memories. It's actually very common for people who go through a traumatic event like Pony."
I hate the way doctors talk as if I'm not there. Basically, my mind is blocking out whatever happened to me, out. The memory is in my long-term memory, but It's being forced out of my short term. Slowly, I could begin to remember things or I can dream about parts of them. Why would anyone want to though?
"When can I leave? I have a project I need to finish, for English." I asked genuinely concerned about my project.
"Pony, there was a school shooting. The last few days of school have been cancelled."
"Sc-sch-school shooting?" I stuttered. Everyone had been avoiding saying what happened. "Where's the rest of the gang? Are...are..are. they okay?" I could feel my throat closing and I could basically hear my heavy staccato pants.
The doctors quickly sood my family out as the nurses tried to regulate my breathing. But it was no use. They were taking away what I needed most. My family. The gang included. I didn't even hear if everyone else was okay.
I was tired, confused, and completely helpless. I wanted to know what was going on and it was frustrating that I couldn't remember a thing. There wasn't much I was too sure about anymore. But I did know I wouldn't be getting much sleep anytime soon.
I didn't have much to time to ponder about anything that was running through my mind before everything went black. I passed out.


  1. The world's going to hell and we're just riding along.

    1. I think payback is in order. I mean might as well have a little fun well we're at it ;)

  2. You'll be okay Ponyboy, don't worry. You have to be, my little meerkat. :)

  3. I'll bring you ice cream every day till you get outta the hospital, okay? :D

  4. Damn it Pony dont scare my like that. We already lost Mom and Dad, we can't lose you too.

  5. Oh Pones, you gotta stop worrying about me and focus on getting better.

  6. Pony!!! I just... I can't even... I... I'll come see you as much as you'll let me.