Thursday, June 6, 2013

I'm Low On Gas And You Need A Jacket

I got home rather early, about 4:10. Since track season just ended, I walked straight home from school. I carelessly threw my books on the table and made a b-line for the fridge.
"Great." I mumbled to myself, "There's no food." I slammed the refrigerator door shut and took out all my assignments for tonight. School was almost over and to teachers that meant they had to shove a buttload of homework at us.
The white pages littered the dining room table; I worked on the assignment that was closest to me, English.  We were reading the story, The Scarlet Letter, you know the one that's mentioned in Easy A? The assignment on it wasn't hard, I just had to do a take home test.

-Knock, Knock-

That's weird? I thought. No one ever knocks on our door; they just walk in. I walked to the door hesitantly. Chances are it was just a salesmen, but with winning the rumble so recently, you don't know what those socs would do for revenge.

I opened the door to find a beautiful girl. Her curly hair now a rich brown, but her eyes and smile shined the same as always. "You dyed your hair?"

"Why, yes I did! I felt the need for a change," Jelly laughed a slight skip to her step as she walked passed me. As soon as she made it three steps past the door, though, she stopped and turned to me abruptly, "Soda isn't home, right?" She now whispered, her eyes looked at mine franticly.

"He's at work," I responded, calming her nerves.

"I don't know how much longer I can avoid him." She sighed.

Jelly has been visiting the Curtis' house after school, almost daily. Of course she always did this, but the difference now is she's trying to avoid Soda. I don't think they're really ready to talk about what happened. Oddly, that's okay with me. That means Jelly has more Pony time. We've become much closer and more open with each other because of that. Ever since the break up, she needed someone, she needed someone to be her steady foundation, and I was hoping that was me. I don't think she hangs around so often because I hate being alone or for homework help, like she says she does. Instead, I think she's the one who can't bare to be alone right now. I feel like that should bother me more, but I pushed the thought aside, often. I was just glad to be spending so much time with her.

"So, what are you working on?" She asked, sitting in a chair at the table that I successfully covered with my homework.

"Ever read the book, The Scarlet Letter?" She nodded in response, "Well, I'm doing a take home test." I began reading and filling in black circles as the conversation continued.

"I liked that book." She said rather bluntly, outlining the title of the book,with her finger, on my hard copy. "I always thought I was like the main character."

" Hester Prynne? I don't see it." I chuckled, her comment must have been a joke. Jelly didn't remind me of any of the characters in that story. She was much more beautiful and caring. I always thought she was more like a Dorothea Brooke, a character with a pure of heart; the best friend anybody could hope for.

"She cheated on her husband." Her words sounded hateful.

"He was lost at sea, she probably thought he was dead." I attempted to defend the character, "She was punished enough for her crimes, anyways. I mean, they even made her wear a fucking bright red A. Everyone knew about her past. She couldn't get past her mistake because of that stupid scarlet letter."

"Maybe, I should do that. Y'know, put a scarlet red A on all my clothes." A sob escaped her mouth, "I'm just like her, Pony. I fucking cheated on Soda, that's pretty much adultery!"

I dropped my pencil, with much more force than necessary, as the words began to come out of her mouth. I looked up to see her face already stained with tears, her mascara running down her cheeks. "Don't you ever say that. Don't you compare yourself to her; she's nothing like you, Jelly." I turned so I was completely facing her. My hands gripped hers firmly as I stared straight in her golden brown eyes, "You made a mistake, yes. But you shouldn't constantly punish yourself for it. A mistake is only an error in judgement, if a person can't accept your mistake and get over it, you don't need them in your life. And losing you would be their loss. End of story, okay? Even with your flaws..." Pause. "You're absolutely perfect. There's nothing you could do that would change that." It was like all the thoughts in head were fighting to get out and when they did, it was just a giant pile of vomit. I didn't know how to say everything that was racing through my mind. I just wanted her pain to stop. Every time I saw a tear on her face, it hurt me to. I wish I could take all of her pain away from her.

She pulled me into a soft hug; then she mumbled a thank you quietly in my ear. When she let go, I kept holding her one hand. She was looking down, as if her shoes just became the most interesting thing on the planet. I could tell she was still upset, but the kind that I couldn't do anything about. Words just wouldn't be enough.  I used my free hand to tilt her head up, so she was look right into my eyes.

"I like your new hair color," I commented pushing a strand out of her face and tucking it behind her ear. Our eyes stayed connected as I leaned in closer and closer. "You're too beautiful to cry as much as you do." I mumbled, my face barely avoiding touching hers. I could feel her warm breath hit my lips and it drove me crazy. Then again, what about her didn't. My eyes flickered from her eyes to her perfect lips, then back up. Then I couldn't get the thought out of my head. I had to fill the gap between our bodies. A new found confidence fell over me as I filled the empty space between our bodies. Our lips collided with a needy force. My hand slipped behind her neck, pulling her closer to me. Her hands went straight to my hair. Her dainty fingers laced through my dark locks.

Then, her hands fell from my hair to my chest. With one hard shove, we were pushed apart. It felt like we were in that kiss forever, though I know it couldn't have been more than a few seconds. I was breathless, a small smirk graced my lips. "You have no idea how much I wanted to do that." I whispered, I doubt she even heard it. It didn't matter though. That might have been the best moment of my life.

"How could you do that?" She said jumping up from the seat, her voice taking me by surprise. She grabbed her coat off the rack, "I'm fucking vulnerable right now! I- I needed a friend! And you just go and do that!"

"I.. umm I.." I stood and my legs began to shake. The confidence I had just a few minutes ago vanished.

"No, Pony. You're suppose to be my friend. You're suppose to comfort me! I love Soda! And..." Her eyes began to water again and she couldn't finish her sentence. She headed towards the door.

I began after her, "Wait, please! I'm sor-"

"Don't. Don't come near me. Don't you dare chase after me, Ponyboy Curtis." She growled, then slammed the door behind her.

It felt much too like a movie scene. Y'know, the scene that makes the crowd hurt because they weren't sure if there would be a happy ending or not. "Please don't go." My voice shaked and my knees gave. I knew she didn't hear me. It wouldn't have made a difference. She wasn't coming back.

For a moment, It only felt numbness. Then anger and sadness surged through me with so much power, I didn't know what to do.

I balled my hands into fists digging my short nails into my palms until it felt like it would bleed. But this pain was nothing compared to what just happened. How could I have been so stupid?

This must be what a broken heart is. It's like being trapped alone in the darkest abyss with a sword pierced through your chest. You feel as though you're completely transparent and everyone can tell. Everyone can see the hole in your heart. That's exactly what it is.

A broken heart is silent, it can't be seen but the blood still bleeds inside.


  1. I know it ain't worth much to you, but.. You can always talk to me Pony. :)

  2. Why did you have to complicate everything...

    1. You See, Even Though I'm Considered To Be Very Smart, I Don't Often Think Before I Do. I'm Sorry...

  3. Pony...your blog is making me very mad -.- it apparently doesn't like my comments

    1. Pony Doesn't Know Why? Pony Enjoys Your Comments

    2. Pones needs to be beaten multiple times, with a stick.